A Beautiful Lie (Unlocked #1) Page 13

  The gym was completely dark and empty when I arrived at two minutes to eight. The door from the lobby was cracked open, so I walked inside. Luke’s unmistakable figure faced away from me, pulling things from a duffel bag. I cleared my throat, making him turn to face me.

  A silent moment passed between us, a sort of acknowledgment of letting the past live in the past. Today was a new day. A sigh of relief escaped from me.

  “I’m glad you came.” He walked toward me.

  “Of course,” I mumbled.

  “Today we’re going to spar.” He handed me gloves. “A quick primer in self-defense.”

  My entire body chilled at his words. It hadn’t fully hit me yet that I had volunteered to walk into a potentially dangerous situation. The space between us was heavy with the residue of the previous evening. But I pushed those thoughts away and strapped on the gloves.

  “Follow my command, okay?” He pulled me into an open space, then placed himself in one corner. “I’m going to guide you for a while, then you’re going to go on your own.”

  I nodded, retreating into the other corner. He gave me the go-ahead and we walked toward each other. He put an arm out to grab me and shouted, “Jab!”

  I lurched my arm out to connect with his jaw and he blocked it.

  “Good.” He gave a slight smile. The next time he came from the opposite side and shouted, “Cross!” I punched my left arm to connect with his face and again he blocked it.

  We moved in silence, the only noise being when he shouted a command at me and our gloves connected. Smack.

  “I read your file on my father and all of the missing girls. What’s the deal with the silver key?” I asked when we fell into a rhythm. I’d read it a few days ago after it appeared on my kitchen table. I figured Luke had left it there with the intention that I’d at least look at it. The fact that the recent victims were both found with silver key tattoos had stuck with me. “Isn’t that more of a serial killer thing?” I’d heard about the famous ones, the smiley face killer, or the lucky charm killer. They all had their mark. Smack. Smack.

  “It’s a pimp thing.” The statement was so matter-of-fact that a small laugh escaped from me. “They all have their own brand.” Smack. “It lets other pimps and clients know who the girl belongs to.” Smack. Smack.

  “That’s horrible. So you think the silver key on the dead girls means my father owned them?” Smack. There were so many things I was naïve about in the world.

  “Yes.” Smack.

  “How do you know all of this?” I thought I noticed him slightly flinch at this question, as though he didn’t like to talk about it. Still, his background was such a mystery to me, and I couldn’t help but pry.

  “I used to deal with a lot of human trafficking cases back in Chicago. Saw this kind of thing every day.” His voice was terse and he seemed haunted by the memory, so I let it go, reminding myself to get more out of him later.

  We continued in silence and gradually his movements came quicker. He stopped letting me win and started going harder. It seemed like he had more on his mind than protecting me from anything that might happen in the hotel.

  “Enough of this.” He took off the gloves and tossed them aside.

  I did the same and followed him outside, into the dark night.

  “Now start walking away from me,” he said.

  Not sure where this was going, I turned and began to walk the other way.

  About seven steps later, I was being grabbed from behind. Hands all over my body. And I was against the brick wall. “Fight back,” he demanded.

  But I didn’t fight back. Instead, I pulled away and stumbled to the ground. After fighting with Tomas, there was nothing left inside of me, no will to keep going.

  “Stand up and fight back.” He pulled me to my feet and gently placed me back against the wall. “If you don’t fight for yourself, Nina, nobody will.”

  We were outside the building, so close that the doorman could come out at any moment and find us. Luke was so near to me that the same tension from the previous night crept back into my chest. I became intimately aware of the contradicting strength and gentleness of his hands on my hips. I burned where his hand grazed a scar from Tomas through the fabric of my pants. Mere inches separated his mouth from mine, the mouth I’d needed so badly the previous night, and now, again, craved.

  “I can’t,” I breathed heavily. “I’m so scared.”

  The rawness of the moment moved between us. Even though he clenched his jaw and tried to fight it, Luke moved in closer, his body now fully pressed against mine. His chest rose and our breaths fell into a synchronized dance. With each exhale, his hardness pushed against me.

  “Nina, if you want something, you have to learn how to fight for it.” His voice was steady but commanding.

  My head was so mixed up that I wasn’t sure what we were talking about anymore.

  “Teach me,” I begged with the only words that came to me.

  He leaned down, grazing his lips over my neck. Leaving a trail of soft kisses, he made his way up only pausing the moment his lips brushed against mine. “Teach you what?” His hot breath filled the space between us and I breathed deep to inhale any trace of him.

  “Everything.”

  Shutting his eyes and giving into whatever built up resistance he had to me, Luke’s mouth covered mine, giving me the warmth that I craved after being consumed by the cold all day. When he parted my lips with his tongue, I didn’t resist. His hands moved down, grazing the sides of my breasts, and continued until he found my waist. He gripped me with more force, quiet moans escaping from both of us. Unable to get any closer to him, I decided that I couldn’t last another moment out there on the street. I broke away, grabbed his hand, and guided us back into the building. The moment the elevator doors shut, our mouths found each other again.

  “We shouldn’t do this,” he said the moment we walked through the door of his apartment, suddenly hesitant. He pulled back from me again, the way he had the previous night when I’d kissed him. I could tell he was fighting something but desperately wanted him to give in to whatever it was. We stood separated in silence, illuminated by the lights of the city finding their way into the small crevices between us.

  “I want this,” I admitted, surprised at how needy my voice sounded. I reached for him, pulling our bodies back together. The only thing that had made me feel remotely good since the show was being near Luke.

  “Nina, you deserve someone who can give you everything, and I don’t think I’m incapable of that. Right now, I want you more than anything. But I don’t know what happens after this.” His words were tinged with despair and warning. Something about him broke my heart, and deep down, I think I knew he didn’t mean what he said.

  “Look, I don’t need to know what comes next,” I assured him. Hell, I wasn’t even sure that I could have a normal relationship. “All I need is right now.”

  He took my face in his hands, searching my eyes. Whatever struggle he was going through played out across his expression as he continued looking for answers I wasn’t sure were there. Finally satisfied, he took the control that I knew he needed and broke from me, attempting to pull my sweatshirt off.

  “Wait!” I shrieked, pushing him back, remembering. I’d forgotten to apply my usual thick layer of makeup before meeting him, and the thought of him looking at my hideous, tarnished body was unbearable. I hugged my sweatshirt close to my body, as though its presence made all of the wounds inflicted by Tomas disappear.

  “Don’t you dare hide from me.” His hands found mine and peeled them from the fabric, clasping them in his.

  “I’m a freak. I let him ruin me.” Tears stung my eyes, filling me with more shame than I ever imagined was possible.

  “So let me fix you,” Luke said, an ache in his voice. “Let me undo all the damage he’s done. Let me put you back together.” The words he spoke weren’t those of someone who was looking for a simple one night stand.

  His grip on my
hands loosened, moving back to my sweatshirt. The entire time, he kept his eyes on mine, his glance soothing me. My entire body shivered as he raised the sweatshirt over my head and tossed it aside on the floor.

  Abruptly, he stopped and backed away. Only clothed in my sports bra and yoga pants, I felt more naked than I ever had on stage as Gigi. I didn’t have the costume or the stage lights to protect me. I didn’t have the layers of makeup to hide the limits to which Tomas had pushed me. Now I was only myself.

  “Come here.” He held out his hand. I took it, and allowed him to pull me into his bedroom. I’d only ever seen it in passing before, but being in it was intoxicating enough to send me over the edge. The heady scent of mint and leather got me drunk.

  “Stand here,” he instructed in my ear.

  I planted myself on the floor in front of his bed, waiting. He circled me, drinking in the sight of me. Unsexy, uncovered, undone.

  Finally, he reached for the bruises that had appeared on my neck overnight, leftovers from my tussle with Tomas, and brushed them lightly with his fingertips. I flinched at the pain but immediately regretted it. The last thing I wanted in that moment was for him to stop.

  “The man who did this to you doesn’t deserve you.” His voice was husky with anger and lust.

  His eyes roamed over my damaged body, causing fear to creep back in. Instinctively, my hands went up in an attempt to shield myself from him again, but before they could get there, he grabbed them away.

  “I want to fix every part of you.” He moved his hands to unhook my bra and every part of me wanted to scream Stop, but I didn’t. Instead, I let it fall to the floor, revealing the scars across my chest from being bound to the tree. He sat me onto the bed, knelt on the floor in front of me, and cupped my breasts in his hands.

  I hadn’t been with anyone since freshman year of college. It had been years. And once I’d fallen in with Tomas, I spent all my time hiding away, building out an identity that I wasn’t sure existed anymore. Since moving in with him, I’d spent each waking moment constructing beautiful lies about the world around me to keep the ugly truths out. I spent so long wanting Tomas and never getting him that I never considered an alternative.

  “I’m not good at this,” I whispered. Without a response, his warm mouth found my breast and sucked, then nibbled. I’d been so used to dressing up in costumes and teasing, or removing everything and being hurt, that the hot rush of pleasure that surged within me caught me off guard.

  “We all have wounds, Nina. Some are just more visible than others.” His words were weighted and cryptic, as though they carried multiple meanings. They opened me up. My legs spread for him to come nearer. His mouth moved to my other breast, sucking more vigorously. My desperation for him was becoming urgent. I tugged at his t-shirt, pulling it up and off him. Finally, we were skin to skin. There was nothing to separate us. He leaned deeper into me, until I was lying back on the bed.

  Finally, his hands moved to the waist of my yoga pants and ripped them off along with my panties. I was naked, lying before him, completely exposed. Completely me.

  Standing before me, he slid out of his sweatpants, revealing himself to me. His thickness pulsed with urgency as he stroked himself. Seeing him opened me up even more. I pulled myself to my knees before him. Without prompting, I opened my mouth, taking all of him in of me. I was hungry for him in a way that I’d never been hungry for anyone. It was an act I’d never felt compelled to perform with any fling or ex-boyfriend. I savored the taste of him in my mouth.

  “Oh God, Nina,” he sighed, running his hands through my hair. My mouth was vigorous for him. “Fuck,” he moaned, stopping me.

  “You were lying about not being good,” he sighed, leaning me back on the bed. He lay down beside me, massaging a hand up my inner thigh, gliding his hand over the divot in my skin from when Tomas had chained each of my legs. Then he stopped just before my entrance. He teased me like this for a moment until I could no longer contain my need to be consumed. He slipped a finger inside of me, touching me in a way I’d never even touched myself.

  “God you’re wet,” he moaned, massaging the inside of me. It was the only piece of me that Tomas had never broken and now I needed Luke to claim it for himself. I thrust my hips into his finger, desperately wanting to be filled by the real thing.

  “Tell me what you want, Nina,” he demanded.

  And this time I knew exactly what I wanted. I knew what I needed.

  “Fuck me, please,” I begged.

  Without another word, Luke reached into the drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a condom. Spreading my legs, he secured it and kneeled before me, grasping himself. With his eyes locked on me, he pushed beyond my entrance until he was fully immersed into me. A small gasp escaped from my throat, surprised by the unfamiliar pressure.

  “It’s okay. Deep breath,” he whispered. “We’ll go slow.”

  A feeling of safety washed over me as he eased into gentle movements. I’d always imagined a man like Luke would be rough. In his day-to-day life he had to have control over everything. But the excruciating patience with which he treated me proved me wrong.

  I relaxed, and started to reach for his thrusts before they found me. He grinned down at me, slowing his pace down even more to tease me. Small moans filled the space between our lips as I grew desperate for him.

  “Release yourself to me,” he urged, bracing the back of my head into his hand. I widened my legs, inviting him to go deeper, and he obliged. “Nina, give yourself to me. Tell yourself you want this.”

  I did want it. Ever since the exhibit, I hadn’t had a clear thought. But feeling his length inside of me, expanding me, opening me up, was the clarity I’d craved all along.

  I burrowed my head into his neck. Our movements fell in perfect unison, thrusting, breathing, moaning, until I couldn’t take it anymore.

  “Release yourself,” Luke instructed again, this time lifting my chin so that he could look straight into my eyes. Lowering his lips to mine, we both let go at the same time. All of my muscles contracted and relaxed around him, until we lay their motionless and intertwined.

  I had been exorcised by Luke Nolan.

  He rolled over, pulling me close into his bare chest. For a while, the only sound that filled the space around us was Luke working to control his staggered breaths. The desire to know what he was thinking overtook me, but something told me not to push it then. Instead, I placed my hand to his chest, over his heart.

  “I like this version of you best,” he finally whispered into my ear. And as we lay in silence, listening to the now slowed beating of our hearts, I considered that maybe I liked this version of me best as well.

  15

  Luke

  I sat on the edge of my bed, watching her sleep. Nina hadn’t even made a move to leave, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her to. The physical intimacy we’d shared resurrected a familiar anxiety and now I couldn’t stand to be near her.

  How could such a brief period in my life affect me so profoundly decades later? My mother only stayed with Ted for a handful of months. Once he was gone, my life had returned to normal and I’d convinced myself that I was just like any other kid. But somehow, the memories continued to haunt me.

  I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, walked into the kitchen, and sat at the counter. Before I could stop myself, I was scrolling through my list of contacts until I found the one I wanted.

  “Hello?” The woman’s quiet voice greeted from the other end of the line. The voice sounded tired, as if I’d woken her. One glance at the clock on the stove told me that was probably the case since I was nearly midnight.

  “Dr. Knutson, it’s Luke Nolan,” I said, feeling sheepish for calling her, even though she’d told me it was perfectly okay to call her at any time of the day if I needed something. Deep down I knew that there was nothing she could do or say that would fix me.

  “Ah, yes, Mr. Nolan,” her voice transitioned from civilian to therapist at a moment’s not
ice. She must field so many middle of the night calls from patients, it was a wonder that she ever got a full night’s rest. “It’s been awhile since you’ve come seen me.”

  “My absence hasn’t been intentional,” I assured her. “Work is consuming my life right now.”

  “These things happen, but it’s always important to take care of yourself. In any case, what can I do for you this evening, Mr. Nolan?”

  I had no idea how to answer that question. What did other frantic patients say when they called her after hours? Was there some sort of protocol to this, or was it better to just wing it?

  “I don’t want to hate this one.” At first my statement sounded stupid when I repeated it in my head. But the more I considered it, the more I honored the truth in it. The last thing in the world I wanted was to push Nina away.

  “You’ve met a girl,” she stated, remembering what we’d discussed during my last visit. Dr. Knutson was correct. Nina was the most unexpected thing to ever happen to me. If I went back into that room, I was bound to fuck it all up and she didn’t deserve that.

  “What do I do?”

  “You can’t remove a feeling. That’s not how these things work. But you can exercise a change in perspective. Sometimes that helps us see things in a different light, leading to more insight. And over time those feelings can become less powerful.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” A cat meowed in the background, demanding her attention.

  “Well, it’s possible, even probable, that having sex with a woman resurrects uncomfortable memories. Perhaps the hatred and negativity you feel have more to do with revisiting those memories than your physical and emotional experience with the woman.”

  I walked back toward the bedroom and stood in the open door, watching as Nina enjoyed momentary respite from the storm around her. There was such a huge wall between where I was and where I needed to be in order to be worthy of her, and I didn’t know if I could get there.